


you're good at looking at me like i'm see through

by zombiepops



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, But not of the deceased, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, F/M, Grief/Mourning, I promise it's not that sad omg, M/M, Post-Break Up, the end game is hyunghyuk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:07:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23938903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zombiepops/pseuds/zombiepops
Summary: It's the accursed year that Minhyuk is supposed to come back and Hyungwon is more than stressed."Wonnie, what's wrong?" Heejin asks. She back hugs him and he shrugs it off, leaving her looking absolutely astonished.“Nothing,” he replies simply, trudging to their room to lay down.He supposes Minhyuk coming back was the catalyst to his impending relationship imploding, unsurprising when Hyungwon realizes that his entire life revolved around the elder.
Relationships: Chae Hyungwon/Lee Minhyuk
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14
Collections: Hyungwon Bingo: Round 2





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> my first hyungwon bingo fic!!!! omg, i'm so excited to be able to participate in this and give some love to hyungwon, my bias wrecker in monsta x. this fic is to fill the square for grief, so hopefully it's good. 
> 
> character playlists:  
> hyungwon: [[here]](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1YBDxknVnCJDbOFdrhxeyj?si=HrCY7KOER5KE1Ly3kqy2xw)  
> minhyuk: [[here]](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0S710pAyIYJtHI2pdxHiEK?si=hg6iUtW9TY-T69Y4LAv2Cg)

He wishes he could figure out where everything went so wrong, where the love just stopped, but he couldn’t. He didn’t know when things became so sour, so rotten, in their relationship, or when Heejin started spending more time with the girls instead of with him. He should’ve known right then and there when Heejin barely spared him a glance—when Heejin checked out long before Hyungwon could even process it. 

All he knew was that their love became like a rotten apple: shiny and delicious looking on the outside, but once you took a bite it was black and mushy—rotten from the inside out. 

Hyungwon wishes he could figure out the when and the why—when it all started to go so wrong and why Heejin decided he wasn’t the one for her—but he couldn’t. 

One day, when clouds were scarce and the heat hit in waves, Heejin says, “Hyungwon,” in a tone he doesn’t recognize. She points to the leather one-seater, silently telling him to sit. Before she can even muster a word, Hyungwon can see her disappointed face, her telling gaze, and knows. 

“We’re over,” he asks, “Aren’t we?” 

She lets out a sigh. 

“You know I love you,” he continues, “Right?” 

He wants her to say something, anything, that wasn’t so devoid of feeling—call it a hunch, but he doesn’t think that was going to happen anytime soon. His mood plummets, going from something that was happy to something that was a mix of angry and sad, but he can’t say from what with certainty. There was always an inkling of doubt, a quiet voice in the back of his mind that told him that something bad was bound to happen. 

He didn’t think it would be this, though. 

“Hyungwon please,” she says calmly, “Don’t make this harder than it needs to be.”

“I won’t,” he replies. It’s lifeless, hollow—empty. He makes his way to the front door, exchanging his house slippers for the dirty Converse he had just changed out of. “Goodbye, Heejin.” 

“Hyungwon, let me at least explain—”

“Explain what, exactly? That you’re not in love with me?” He’s lacing up his shoes and can’t look up at her out of fear that he’s going to lose it. “That you’d rather see someone else than be with me? Or am I too drastically different than what you thought I was going to be?”

“Hyungwon -”

“No, I don’t need your explanation. I get it,” Hyungwon sighs. He steps out the door. “I know. Who would ever love someone like me, huh?”

He didn’t know when they got like this, all he knew was that they did and there was no going back.

+

It takes him about four hours, but he manages to walk from their apartment in Queens to Hyunwoo’s apartment in Brooklyn. He takes a glance at his phone, looking at all the missed calls from Heejin and scoffs. Why was she calling him? To rub it in his face that he wasn’t good enough for her? 

He didn’t want to hear it. 

His feet ache like all hell when he calls Hyunwoo to buzz him in, but the older does it without a question. He knocks on the door to Hyunwoo’s apartment and, as it opens, falls to the floor. 

“Hyungwon,” Hyunwoo says, helping him back on his feet. Behind Hyunwoo he sees Changkyun and Jooheon looking at him with sad eyes and shakes it off. “I’m so sorry.”

“Can I move back in?” 

“Of course. When have you ever been turned away from here?”

+

Single. 

The word felt foreign on Hyungwon ’s tongue. He hadn’t been single in almost six years and, just like that, it was suddenly thrust upon him. He’s been single for a whole month. Thirty-one days and a handful of hours. 

It feels like he’s gotten a large knife in his abdomen, twisted—he felt like he might as well have spilled his guts all over the floor of what used to be Hyungwon and Heejin’s shared apartment. It feels like a heavily bleeding wound, one that he hastily slapped on bandages in hopes that it wouldn’t get so bad. 

But it did, and now he’s dying and doesn’t want to do anything about it at all. 

It’s in that moment that he remembers: Heejin still lives in the apartment, all by herself. He wonders if she ever painted the kitchen wall mint green like she had planned, something about brightening the dark kitchen. He wonders if she changed the color of the cabinets to the sleek white that she liked.

Single. 

Hyungwon didn’t know if he likes being single at all. 

+

A bit of backstory for those who don’t know: Hyunwoo, Hoseok, Kihyun, Hyungwon, Jooheon, Changkyun, and Minhyuk all meet in college back when getting a degree in the arts was enough to get years of ancestral disappointment put on your shoulders, they became the best of friends over the fact that their parents hated the fact that they were pursuing a career in their passions. 

Hyunwoo was a dance major, Hyungwon was a performing arts major, and Jooheon was a music production major and they roomed together. Hoseok was a music major, focusing on music education, Changkyun worked towards his Bachelor’s in Digital Media, and Minhyuk went in for performing arts as well, and those three roomed together. They meet Kihyun in Hyungwon's second semester, when Hyungwon gets told to be an interpreter for a Korean exchange student that didn't know much English and, like destiny, all seven of them were really close friends. 

They were, some might even say  _ are _ , the best of friends.

There was nothing that they didn’t do together: whether it be partying or studying, they were all within each other’s grasps.

That’s when Hyungwon figures out he’s not exactly straight. 

He and Minhyuk are both out of their mind when they decide it’s a good idea for them to kiss. Drunk on one too many pineapple and vodka drinks, Minhyuk grabs him by the collar of his black striped button down and kisses him. 

“We should date,” Minhyuk says curtly, breaking apart from the intense kiss. 

“We should,” Hyungwon replies. He's breathless. 

And they did. They dated for two years. They promise each other that they’ll be together forever and go on cute dates. They don’t tell their friends, either. It wasn’t any of their business to know whether or not they were dating. 

But it all breaks apart in the end. 

Minhyuk gets distant with not just Hyungwon, but everyone. When Hyunwoo and Jooheon are finally able to open the studio--a small space with just enough room to keep all their recording equipment--Minhyuk isn’t there. When Hoseok gets accepted into Potsdam’s Master’s program, and subsequently asks for their help moving into the dorms, Minhyuk isn’t there. There’s a long list of things that Minhyuk just isn’t there for and the cherry on top of the sundae is a note from Minhyuk on the day he was leaving. 

One where he says they should break up.

“You were just going to leave me? Like that, Minhyuk,” Hyungwon says, “You know, I was worried about you when you didn’t answer your phone. I thought something happened. I-I thought you were hurt, but you’re just packing up and leaving in the middle of the night. You've been avoiding us for a month." Hyungwon holds the note in his hands, the one that Minhyuk left on his dresser from the night before everything turned to shit. “And you didn’t even break up with me face to face, you had to do it over a fucking note like a coward? Why couldn’t you tell me?”

“Hyungwon, I finally got a job. One that will pay me well so I don’t have to live in a shithole apartment,” Minhyuk replies. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s gonna happen in the next few years, but I know that I can’t keep you waiting for me. I don’t know if I’m ever gonna come back to Brooklyn.”

“So you don’t want to see me because of it?”

“I don’t want you to wait for me, Hyungwon. It’s not fair to you.” 

Minhyuk leaves for California the morning after their argument. Hyunwoo offers to drive him to the airport because it would cost more than Minhyuk had to catch a taxi and he wakes everyone up to go with him. Hyungwon doesn’t want to go, doesn’t want to see Minhyuk off after he shattered his heart, but he goes anyway. 

He wasn't about to have everything revealed right before Minhyuk's plane took off. 

They’re waving him off at the airport when Hyungwon and Minhyuk make eye contact. There’s a hidden apology in Minhyuk’s eyes, but Hyungwon wasn’t going to accept it. 

He gets an offer to be a vocalist in a studio that wasn’t Hyunwoo’s and he took it, leaving Hyungwon stands there--eyes misted with tears. 

He says nothing. 

+

Even when Minhyuk is out of the picture, Hyungwon can’t help but picture him. 

He reads article after article about Lee Minhyuk, America’s Next Big Indie Artist according to Billboard. He’s got the same face, the same smile, but his hair is teal. It suits him. Hyungwon wishes he could say it to Minhyuk’s face. In fact, Hyungwon wishes simply to just be able to  _ see _ Minhyuk’s face, but he knows it won’t come into fruition.

The album is called Shine Forever and Minhyuk’s voice is so smooth and so captivating that Hyungwon melts. 

He listens to song after song on repeat and he grieves his friendship, as well as what could’ve been the relationship Hyungwon had always wanted, time and time again. 

+

It’s been three years since Minhyuk has left New York, five years of Hyungwon staying in the same place, hoping that he’d come back. Minhyuk never does. Unless it’s for a concert or whatnot, Hyungwon knows deep down he won’t come back. 

He meets Heejin around this time and finally, just  _ finally _ , feels like he can move on. Minhyuk’s been out of his life for a particularly long time now. If he can let go, so can Hyungwon, although Hyungwon would need just the slightest push to do so.

He meets her in a museum, of all places, when Changkyun drags him out of their apartment by the ear. 

“Your moping,” Changkyun says, “Is very tragic. So we’re going to the museum.” 

“But I don’t wanna-” Changkyun sends Hyungwon a look,  _ the  _ look if you will, and Hyungwon sighs. “Fine, I’m getting my things.” 

They get on the B line and, soon after, get off on 81st Street. Changkyun is grinning from ear to ear, holding Hyungwon’s hand in his own as he tugs the older up the steps. 

“Aw,” the stranger says, "Are you guys together?" 

“Oh, no, ha,” Hyungwon responds, handing Heejin the ticket, “He’s my best friend. He’s been wanting to come here for a little bit and we finally went.” 

“Oh, I’m so sorry for assuming,” the stranger replies, face beet red as Hyungwon hands her his entry ticket. “I’m Heejin.” She scribbles something on the ticket and slides it back to Hyungwon. 

He reads what was on it. 

**_Sorry for assuming haha, that could have caused a really big misunderstanding, huh. We should grab some coffee or something. My treat! [xxx-xxx-xxxx] - Heejin_ **

At first, it’s great. Heejin and Hyungwon have such undeniable chemistry that it shakes him down to the core. Heejin gets acquainted rather quickly to his friend group as well. She gets everyone to fall in love with her--even Changkyun, which is no small feat considering romance and meeting new people was  _ not  _ in his wheelhouse--and Hyungwon is finally happy. 

Until Hyunwoo shows him a particularly odd message. 

+

Minhyuk > Hyunwoo 12:00 

I’m coming back

Not this year, because I’m squaring off an album 

But next year for certain

And I’m staying for good

I don’t like it in California. 

\+ 

It's the accursed year that Minhyuk is supposed to come back and Hyungwon is more than stressed. 

"Wonnie, what's wrong?" Heejin asks. She back hugs him and he shrugs it off, leaving her looking absolutely astonished. 

“Nothing,” he replies simply, trudging to their room to lay down.

He supposes Minhyuk coming back was the catalyst to his impending relationship imploding, unsurprising when Hyungwon realizes that his entire life revolved around the elder. 

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

Hyungwon is sitting on Hyunwoo’s couch, drinking beer out of a frozen mug. He’s watching Running Man, has a few plates of food on the small table in front of him, and is silently munching along to the daily shenanigans of whatever is going on in the episode.

Now, Hyunwoo isn’t one to judge anyone, but he wants to tell Hyungwon to get out of the house but lets him sit still. He knows Hyungwon is going through a rough patch, the specifics are unclear, but he has a hunch it has to do with Heejin. 

“Hey,” Hyunwoo says, putting his mug on the coffee table. “You haven’t been outside in a bit, are you alright?”

“As good as I can be,” Hyungwon replies, “I’m just hanging on, trying to move on.” He puts his feet up on the couch, putting his head in Hyunwoo’s lap. “It stings, but I knew it would.” 

Tears. Hyunwoo could see the glistening of Hyungwon’s eyes and knows he’s about to cry. 

“Well, I’m here for you if you need it,” Hyunwoo says, running his fingers through Hyungwon’s hair. “We all are. Even Changkyun, who vomits at the mention of serious relationships.” 

“I know.” 

+

To say that Hyungwon hadn’t been coping well is a bit of an understatement. 

Not coping well was too kind of an assessment, but it’s all any single one of his friends will ever tell him. 

Seokwon says to Minkyun, “Hyungwon ’s been looking a little…rough,” while Yoonho says to Kwangji, “I’ve never seen Hyungwon like this,” and Yoosu says to Gunhee, “Do you know what’s wrong?” 

It’s different ways to say the same thing. Every single one of them. 

Hyungwon doesn’t want to hear it from any of them, so he excuses himself from the table, as the waiter comes around to ask what they would like to drink and goes somewhere where he can be alone for a bit. 

\+ 

Jooheon > Hyungwon 23:00 

Yo, where did you go? 

Hyunwoo went to go pick you up and said you weren’t there

Hyungwon 23:05 

Home. 

Jooheon 23:10

To your apartment with Heejin? 

Hyungwon 23:20 

No. 

Jooheon 23:25

Then where? 

Hyungwon 23:30 

By the old park. 

The abandoned one. 

Jooheon 23:35 

Give me five minutes. I’ll be there. 

Don’t do anything stupid Hyungwon 

Hyungwon 23:40 

Just don’t bring anyone else

I don’t want them to see me like this

Jooheon 23:45

Yeah

He’s relieved when he sees Jooheon a few moments later, in an oversized jacket and some black ripped jeans, walking over to him with what looks to be hot chocolate and some cookies. 

“What are you doing here, hyung?” 

“I don’t know.” 

“Whatever it is you’re feeling, you know you have me, right?” 

“I know.” 

Jooheon sits right beside him on that old wooden bench and Hyungwon lays his head on his shoulder. 

“Thanks, Jooheon.” Hyungwon sighs, "Thanks for being an amazing friend." 

“No problem.” 

When Hyungwon rearranges himself, he does so only to accept the hug that Jooheon had been trying to give him. Nothing more. 

+

He lied. 

There was more. 

Hyungwon hasn’t cried in such a long time, but being in Jooheon’s arms reminds him for a moment that this is a vulnerable time for him and that he didn’t need to be afraid. 

So, he cries with Jooheon’s arms holding him tight. 

+

“Come hang out with us,” Hyunwoo asks, “It doesn’t do you well to stay locked in your room all day.”

Let’s establish two things, shall we? 

One: Hyungwon has moved back in with Hyunwoo, Jooheon and Changkyun, who graciously accepted him back once they learn the situation in full. Hyungwon didn’t even know where to begin to talk about every single emotion he’s feeling, but luckily Jooheon was there to help him explain it all in a less garbled and confusing way. 

Two: Moving back in with Hyunwoo, Jooheon and Changkyun means he needs to get his stuff back from Heejin’s place, which stings. It’s been two months and a half of not seeing her, trying not to think of her and then bam. 

He’s going to have to face her and all of his feelings bottled up from two and a half months. 

Let’s get back to the story, though. 

Hyunwoo asks when they’re out getting groceries with Changkyun, who’s left them to make countless rounds for samples—ever since the Park Incident, Jooheon had been more than cautious with him. There was no intense pushing or prodding, which Hyungwon was thankful for, but Jooheon was essentially watching Hyungwon turn into a recluse.

Which wasn’t good for him, either. He didn’t say a word of it to Hyunwoo though, which he’s grateful to Jooheon for, but when Hyunwoo asks Hyungwon is a little too apprehensive on the sudden reason.

“Who is ‘we’?” Hyungwon asks, partially due to fear. 

It sucks royal ass when you run in the same circle as the same person who took the heart out of your chest and squashes it like a bug. 

“It’s not everyone,” Hyunwoo tacks on. It’s like he can sense Hyungwon ’s worries and fears, “It’s most likely going to be you, me, Jooheon, and—”

“And me!” Changkyun exclaims cheeks puffed out like a chipmunk to hold what little food he had to chew on. 

“And him, yep.” Hyunwoo gets the ingredients and recipe card from the sample lady, bowing slightly at her. “We’re just gonna hang out.” 

“Maybe we’ll go to that strip club Jooheon talks about all the time,” Changkyun cackles, “Make it a total sausage fest.” 

“Sure.” Hyungwon places a case of beer into the cart. “I’ll go. There’s no use in hiding anymore, right?” 

+

Wrong. 

Hyungwon should’ve stayed hidden. 

First of all, it ends up being a lot more than just him, Hyunwoo, Changkyun, and Jooheon. Minkyun and his new girlfriend show up, flaunting their newfound happiness in his face. Yoonho is trying to hit on guys and get people to buy him drinks with this charm and Jooheon and Gunhee? Forget about it, Gunhee is probably railing Jooheon in the bathroom at this exact moment. 

Then, there was Minhyuk. 

Minhyuk shows up and Hyungwon wants to hide even more because great—another person he has to explain everything to. Another person he’s going to have to rip his emotional wound right open for to get him in the know.  Another person who’ll pity him even when he clearly does not want that. 

Minhyuk is another person who's put him through the exact same thing. 

Minhyuk and Hoseok are dancing it up, basically grinding on one another, and Hyungwon notes how this isn’t his scene. There are too many girls wearing body glimmer that catches in the light, too much sweat and spit dripping onto the dance floor, and too many shots in brightly colored glasses being ordered from bartenders. 

This isn’t Hyungwon’s scene. This isn’t the place you just hang out in, the place where you play billiards and order lackluster food, and just hang out. 

This is the place you go knowing all your friends are single, or in complicated relationships that they need to get away from.

“Can I have another rum and coke, please?” Hyungwon asks the bartender—Hyolyn, he thinks her name was—after setting his glass on the table. 

Hyungwon kind of regrets showing up. 


	3. Chapter 3

He’s been asked to dance by plenty of girls looking to get in his pants. 

He declines them all.

He just wasn’t into it. 

“Hyungwon ,” a voice calls and someone wraps their arm around his shoulders. They have a hand on his chest and, once his eyes adjust, Hyungwon can see that it’s Minhyuk. 

Minhyuk is way beyond wasted. Wasted on alcohol and on the way other’s skin feels against his very own. Hyungwon knew he had always liked it: the way it feels to be pressed against someone else, the exchange of body heat and the roughness of calloused palms against the soft skin hidden under clothes. This was Minhyuk’s perfect night out, really.

But it wasn't his, and he wants to go home.

“Minhyuk,” Hyungwon replies and he knows he’s the one keeping Minhyuk from hitting the floor. 

“You having a good time?” Minhyuk slurs, “I hope you are. You deserve it.” He doesn’t know when Minhyuk climbs in his lap, all he knows is that it feels too natural. It’s clumsy and not thought out, but Minhyuk makes his clumsiness into something natural. Something real. "I'm sorry. For not coming back until now. I jus' didn't wanna hurt you when I left is all because I hurt when I left. But I did that anyway." Minhyuk jabs his index finger lightly into Hyungwon's chest. "Why do I always hurt people I care 'bout?"

Hyungwon has a hard time keeping his composure as calm as he could. Why was Minhyuk saying all of this? What  _ was _ all of this?

It’s weird, that’s what it is. 

It’s even weirder when Minhyuk brings his lips to the curve of his jaw and let’s them sit there, fanning air across Hyungwon ’s skin that causes Hyungwon to go crazy. Minhyuk smells like a mixture of sweat and whatever vanilla hinted cologne he used before he got ready. 

“Hyungwon ,” Minhyuk whispers, “Don’t start retreating inwards on yourself, okay?” He places a kiss on the same curve. “Don’t hide because you were hurt.” Everything blends together at this point, blurring past Hyungwon with speeds that he doesn’t know how to keep up with. It reminds him of college, before everything turned to shit, and it's taking a lot to not break down right in front of Minhyuk. 

He missed him. Minhyuk hadn't been back in New York for five years, never called once. and Hyungwon missed his best friend. It didn't help that he had just gotten off the tail end of a bad relationship, and needed someone to hold him as tightly as Minhyuk did before. 

But, in an instant, it was all over. 

“I’ll be right back. Stay right here and I’ll be back, alright?” 

It feels like Minhyuk just slammed on the brakes, cracking Hyungwon’s head against the glass of the windshield as he kisses Hyungwon’s cheek.

+

Seconds turn into minutes. 

Minutes turn into hours. 

Hyungwon wonders if Minhyuk was going to actually come back. 

He’s waiting right in the same place.

+

“No, hyung, Minhyuk left with Hoseok.” 

“Oh.” 

“Let’s go home.” 

“Okay.” 

+

A sleepless night like this one lends itself to plenty of things. For starters, he hears a few things when the lights are off and all he can hear at the moment is the soft hum of the old fridge: 

Hyunwoo, knocked out from four beers and a blunt, snores loudly enough to wake anyone sharing a not-so-thick wall with his bedroom. 

Changkyun, who is in the bathroom, brushes his teeth with his electric toothbrush. He leaves the water running and, as much as it irks Hyungwon to be wasting water like that, Hyungwon just lets it happen. 

And, lastly, Jooheon. He can hear that Jooheon is on the phone but not much else, but when his voice raises slightly he can only imagine it’s either his mother or to Gunhee. Even though everything seemed perfect, they’ve always been a bit rocky in their relationship.

But even as all of that happens, Hyungwon finds himself digging out his phone from his pocket. His first drunken instinct is to text Heejin, to tell her that he’s alright and that he’s just crashing at Hyunwoo’s place, but he erases the entire sentence. Then, his fingers type out a message to Minhyuk. 

_ Did you mean what you said? Or are you lying to me again? _

When he reads it over he blinks twice. Rereads the words for what seems like four times and then deletes them. 

_ Where were you?  _

Another message to be deleted before it got sent out. He was with Hoseok, what else was there to say?

They weren't together anymore, why did it matter to him so much?

+

Voicemail 

Saturday 05/01/20XX 15:00

Hyungwon:  _ Hey Heejin, it’s me. I need to get my stuff but I don’t have a key, do you think you could leave me one?  _

+

Heejin > Hyungwon 16:00

Hey, when are you stopping by? 

I’m gonna leave the key under the mat at the door while I’m at work. 

\+ 

He regrets not putting the Tylenol bottle in his bedside table drawer again. 

Not only is he hungover, but his head is pounding so hard that it feels like his brain wants to leave his skull for all the dumb as fuck decisions he’s made last night. He reaches for his phone, looking at messages from Minkyun and Yoonho, telling him that they had a good time.

He was happy for them, really. 

But once he scrolls down a little bit further in his received messages, he sees her name. 

_ Heejin has sent you a message! _

Shit. 

+

Hyunwoo, Jooheon and Changkyun are amazing friends. When they offered to help him move his stuff out of their apartment and into Heejin’s, they did so without complaint. When he needs something, they get it for him. When he wants food, they buy it for him. When he needs to get out and feel the sand in between his toes, they drag him out. 

When he needs help moving his stuff from Heejin’s apartment and back into their own, they do it. 

When they hear Hyungwon having a total breakdown, they comfort him. 

Because they’re amazing friends. 

But as he’s sorting through all his things, looking at all the pictures that have seemingly collected dust in their frames, he wishes they would stop. As he looks at the pictures of he and Heejin at Central Park on a picnic or looking at the Fog Bridge at night, he wishes they wouldn’t look at him with such pity in their eyes. 

Everyone is treating him like he’s going to break at any moment, which was the truth. 

But they didn’t need to make everything so goddamn obvious. 

+

Everything is accounted for and packed into the back of Hyunwoo’s van and Hyungwon actually feels like he’s going to cry. 

It hits him now more than ever: everything is truly over. 

“Hyungwon, it’s alright,” Changkyun says “All you need to focus on now is moving on.” 

That was easier said than done. 

+

Hyungwon > Minhyuk 09:00

Hey, wanna go out for brunch with Hyunwoo, Changkyun, and I?

Minhyuk 09:03 

Yea. 

Thanks /).(\

I wouldn’t admit to Hoseok that I was starving so he left

Hyungwon 9:07

Aw lmao

I’ll pick you up in twenty…

Jooheon is taking forever in the goddamn shower

He’s singing Mamma Mia and I’m about to break the goddamn door down

Minhyuk 9:10

Haha, like always

See you soon, Hyungwon 

_ Yeah, _ he thinks,  _ see you soon. _

+

As warm water runs down Hyungwon’s back, he wonders if the reason why Heejin and him couldn’t make it is because Hyungwon found himself gravitating more towards Minhyuk even after he was gone. He wonders if Heejin, seemingly with a hidden third eye, could see right through him--wonders if Heejin knew he had a bit of a crush. 

Hyungwon had never stopped thinking about him, about Minhyuk, and she must’ve known. 

Either way, it’s still his fault that she was gone. He knew that and, as he turns off the water that is cool to the touch, he sighs. 

He should’ve known that new beginnings don’t happen if you’re stuck in the past. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i listened to disco heartbreak by clust and disco heartbreak by brooklyn's finest a lot during the party scene omg, but the overall mood of the chapter is like haunted by the band camino, which is coincidentally where the title of this fic comes from haha.

The breakfast was as comfortable as it was going to get. 

They order the largest amount of food that Hyungwon has ever seen, 

“So,” Hyunwoo starts up, “How’ve you been, Minhyuk? I haven’t seen you in ages!” 

“Ya know, ” he yawns, “Working on an album and stuff. Going to different corners of the country. I was in California a few weeks ago getting fitted—they want me for Fashion Week, which is crazy.” He looks at Hyungwon and smiles. “I didn’t think I was going to get this far, honestly. I thought I was going to be in my dingy apartment, pretending to be someone far more important than I actually was. How have you guys been?” 

Hyungwon doesn't fail to notice the group of people starting to circle around them and stare, whispering _Oh my gosh? Is that Lee Minhyuk? **The** Lee Minhyuk?_ Hyungwon doesn't fail to notice how the people are staring down Changkyun and Hyunwoo, looking down their noses at them like Minhyuk was some elite now. 

It was as comfortable as it was going to get, considering Minhyuk was a celebrity now. 

“Ah, same old same old,” Changkyun says. If he notices the way Minhyuk is looking at Hyungwon, he doesn’t say a word. “It’s empty in the complex without you, but it seems like you’re doing alright.” Changkyun nudges Hyungwon, basically telling him to speak up—which he does in a sort of frazzled state. 

“Yeah, ya know. I’m with Jooheon and Hyunwoo at the studio teaching kids about music.” Hyungwon doesn’t know what else to say, and tacks on an “I’m happy that you’re living out your dreams, I remember how you never stopped talking about singing and wanting to release an album in high school,” to the end of the sentence to avoid being rude.

“Thanks,” Minhyuk replies warmly, and Hyungwon feels himself melt. 

And then, he gets Changkyun staring at him inquisitively and he knows he’s doomed. 

+

“Do you, by any chance, like Minhyuk?” 

Changkyun hooks his arm with Hyungwon's, grinning widely. He has a knowing grin on his face, irritating to Hyungwon not because he hates Changkyun for noticing--no, he hates it because of the fact that if _Changkyun_ picked up on it then surely Minhyuk did. He was just trying to move on. 

“Of course. He’s my friend. Aren’t we all supposed to like each other?” 

“No, I mean like as in you wanna smash and be emotionally vulnerable with him.” 

Hyungwon ’s silence says a lot to Changkyun in that moment. 

+

Jooheon wants to throw a party. Jooheon wants to throw a party because he still acts like he’s in college. 

At least, that’s the case according to Changkyun’s assessment. 

Hyungwon laughs just a little, earning a small whack from Jooheon. 

“Listen, Changkyun,” Jooheon states, “I didn’t come to get attacked, nor did I come to debate how many college parties I went to. Which were none, by the way, I focused on my studies like a good student and that’s about all I did during college.” Jooheon stomps to the couch, sprawling across Changkyun and Hyunwoo’s lap. He’s pouting and sulky and looks like he’s not having that great of a time, and Changkyun keeps on laughing. “Changkyun, stop~” 

“Wow,” Hyunwoo smiles, “Even I have to admit that sounds kind of lame. Sorry, Joob.”

“Fine,” Jooheon sighs. “So I was lame in my early twenties and now I’m trying to make up for it, but I still want to throw a party. Sue me.” 

“I mean, that’s fine,” Hyunwoo replies, “But where do you plan on throwing this ‘epic party’ that you’re talking about?” 

“Here of course!” 

“You really do act like you’re still in college,” Hyunwoo laughs. 

“I don’t!” 

But that doesn’t even matter, because Jooheon  _ does  _ act like he’s still in college in the same way that he wants to take the bowl Hyungwon uses to keep a variety of plastic fruits and move it, clearing the table so they can play beer pong and other table-top drinking games that don’t fit on the small kitchen counter. He wants to play Top 40 hits from the radio through large speakers that he knows he’s going to have to rent out. He wants to know where he can get a keg and some weed, calls up Minhyuk for the plug and sends out a group message inviting everyone he knows. 

Which possibly includes Heejin much to Hyungwon’s chagrin.

Hyungwon says yes to the beer pong table, settles on about ten bottles of different alcohol, and tells Jooheon to tell people if they want a specific fancy alcohol to bring it themselves. He even lets Jooheon call Minhyuk for the weed, but the only condition is: people who are smoking have to smoke on the balcony. Jooheon sends out a mass text with the bare minimum information and soon a chorus of text tones echo through the apartment. 

Changkyun opens his phone to mute the chat for the next day, looking at the people who Jooheon “Dumbass,” he sneers quietly, flicking Jooheon on the forehead. 

“What the fuck, Changkyun?” Jooheon gets up, glaring at the older. “Why are you hitting me? What did I do?” There’s another wave of text tones that vibrate on everyone’s phones. Choruses of  _ I’ll be there _ and  _ yes!!!! _ and oh, would you look at that—there’s a text from Heejin. A simple  _ kk _ with a heart and a smiley emoji. 

Oh. 

“Shit, Hyungwon,” Jooheon says, looking at the list of people he sent the message to. “I’m so sorry, I fucked up.” Part of Hyungwon wants to tell Jooheon to uninvite her, to not extend the courtesy of being friends out to her, but really that looks bad. Jooheon isn't upset with her, and to rudely take back the invitation isn't something that Hyungwon wants Jooheon to do for his sake. 

He could leave, but who would he see? All of his friends are going to be at the party. He doesn't want to be at a bar by himself throwing a pity party.

He looks down at his hands, choking down the metaphorical bullet, and says, “It’s fine, Joo. I’ll be okay.”

+

There’s a week period between when Jooheon sent out the invitation and the actual date of the party. Hyungwon goes out to the supermarket, helps Jooheon buy everything he needs for the party with the grocery list Hyunwoo gave him. 

“What the hell does Jooheon need a dozen eggs for?" Hyungwon grumbles, "He better not even attempt to make that god awful Amber Moon shit. It was so disgust-" 

He looks up from the paper to see none other than Heejin staring back at him. "Hey," she says. 

"Hey," Hyungwon responds. 

"You're going to Jooheon's party?"

"I-It's in our apartment. I don't think I have a choice."

“Ah, nice.” 

“Yeah.” 

+

Hyungwon doesn’t know why he says things he never means. He’s not even close to being fine. 

Heejin walks in with Yoonho and Heejun—Yoonho's boyfriend that is so sweet and kind he can’t even be mad at him for being in love with one of his friends and rubbing it in his face— and of course, Hyungwon has to notice as soon as she walks in the goddamn door. She doesn’t even look a slight bit sad and Hyungwon didn’t know what he expected—he didn’t know if he expected her to be just as dejected as he was, but it kind of stung seeing her have a good time while he was miserable. He glances over at her on occasion, feeling the pull to go and talk to her, but he doesn’t. He plants his feet firm on the ground and says no. They were done and over with, there was nothing left for them. 

He had to move on for his sake, but he just couldn’t seem to. 

The party is in full swing by the time she shows up too. Changkyun and Luda are kicking Jooheon and Meiqi's asses at beer pong, everyone is laughing and chattering as loudly as they possibly can, and it should be a good time. Hyungwon should be able to block her from his peripheral, avoiding her as easily as he can by keeping her voice out of his ears and her name out of his mouth, but he most certainly cannot do it sober. 

He goes to find Jooheon so he can persuade him to go and smoke a blunt with him on the balcony. 

+

Jooheon goes and finds Changkyun and Hyunwoo. He smells highly of weed, and he’s swaying a little, but he’s still in his right mind. 

“Hyungwon,” he says, “Drank three beers and smoked a full blunt by himself and I don’t think he’s stopping anytime soon.” Jooheon rubs his temples. “What do I do? He’s gonna hurt himself if he keeps on.” 

“Well, we can start by bringing him inside,” Hyunwoo says, “Then we can find him a place, preferably his room, where he can cool off. Possibly sleep if he needs to, but one where if he vomits it won’t be in front of Heejin.” 

“Well, who’s going to be able to do that? Because he’s certainly not listening to me,” Jooheon replies, arms crossed slightly. 

All three of them think for a minute and then, almost as if an epiphany struck them all at once, they say, “Minhyuk,” and go find the one in question. Jooheon calls this Operation: Keep Hyungwon From Embarrassing the Absolute Shit Out Of Himself In From of His Ex, opting for nicknames like Big Dipper for himself and Demon Fucker for Changkyun, and Changkyun calls this Operation: Jooheon Don’t Name Things When You’re Out Of Your Mind. 

Either way, they knew they had to get Hyungwon under some semblance of control before he did something really stupid.

+

Hyungwon does end up making it back someplace, but it's only because Minhyuk is kissing him. He doesn't know what prompted it, but Minhyuk is kissing him with lips so soft and so hypnotizingly gentle that Hyungwon doesn't seem to care. His arms are wrapped around Minhyuk’s neck and he’s slotted against the younger’s body and he doesn't even notice that they're in the hallway by the bathroom, where anyone can see them if they turn their heads to the left just a little bit. He doesn't seem to care that any Tom, Dick or Sally at this party would have to pass directly by them if they needed to use the bathroom, but he does seem to care that Heejin would be able to see them. 

He hates comparing, but he couldn't help but notice that Minhyuk pushes where Heejin pulled, that Minhyuk was firm with what he wanted whereas Heejin would switch up every few minutes. His brain was on autopilot, reminding him of all the contrast between Heejin, his ex, and Minhyuk, one of his best friends, and it sends him reeling. 

Minhyuk seems to notice too, and as he pins Hyungwon between the wall and the length of his body, he whispers in his ear, “Stop thinking so much.” 

The thought spurs Hyungwon on. “Make me,” he replies.

Minhyuk smirks. “Come over tonight.”


	5. Chapter 5

Minhyuk’s sheets smell like Downy and his pillows are so soft that Hyungwon ignores the creaking of the bed. Minhyuk rides Hyungwon as hard as he possibly could and he’s tracing patterns on Hyungwon’s chest, the pace agonizingly slow. Hyungwon doesn’t miss the little whimpers, the  _ god-fuck yes _ that beathily leaves Minhyuk’s mouth. 

“Are you fucking me because you’re pitying me?” Hyungwon asks. “I don’t need the pity if that’s why you’re doing this, Minhyuk.” 

He looks utterly shocked, hands raking down Hyungwon’s sensitive sides. “I don’t pity-fuck people, it’s a waste of a perfectly good amount of time and energy. And besides.” Minhyuk looks him right in the eye. “You’re so handsome that I’m honored to be fucked by you. Are you sure  _ you’re _ not pity-fucking  _ me _ ?” 

+

“That night at the bar,” Hyungwon starts. He’s in Minhyuk’s bed, basking in the afterglow of their tryst. Minhyuk has just taken a shower, debating on what he should wear . Hyungwon spreads out, catching the sunlight that pours in through Minhyuk’s open window. He’s going crazy, having Minhyuk’s body so close to his own after a long time of craving it. “Were you going to come back for me? Or did you plan on leaving all along?”

“I most definitely was going to come back,” Minhyuk mutters. Minhyuk gets up to put some clothes on, pulling clothes from the dresser haphazardly. “Hoseok and I wanted to catch up though, so we went to his place--” 

“Did you hook up with him?” Hyungwon doesn’t know why it came out so harshly, but it was already out there, so Hyungwon waits for an answer. 

Half of Hyungwon doesn’t want to know whether or not Minhyuk and Hoseok slept together. Hoseok is his best friend, and Minhyuk is his ex-boyfriend who is still his friend who he has rather complicated feeling towards. It wasn’t any of Hyungwon’s business to know. The other half of him, the envious and heavily insecure part of himself, wants Minhyuk to just be honest about it. If he slept with Hoseok, no matter how much the thought hurt, Hyungwon wouldn’t care. It would hurt less than hearing Hoseok talk about it at their next dinner, that’s for sure. 

If Minhyuk told him they were sleeping together, even after last night, maybe--just maybe--his lingering feelings would go away and everything would be normal again. 

“No,” Minhyuk replies. “I didn't--”

“Are you going to try and date him?”

Hyungwon says it so dejectedly that he shouldn’t be surprised when Minhyuk shoots him a confused look as he slips on his sweats. In that mortifying moment, Hyungwon fears he’s revealed far too much, wanting to hide underneath the large quilt to hide his shame. Minhyuk gives him a sly smirk, slipping on his black t-shirt and goes to lay right on top of him. 

“Why?” Minhyuk asks, pulling the quilt back to see Hyungwon’s face. “Does the thought make you upset?” 

“No,” Hyungwon squeaks, noticing how dangerously close Minhyuk’s face was to his own. “Honestly, it’s none of my business if you’re gonna date him, just don’t hurt him or I’ll punch you in the face-”

“Believe me,” Minhyuk says, placing his head in Hyungwon’s neck. He doesn’t budge when Hyungwon tries to push him off, blushing. “I’m not going to date Hoseok. We’re just friendly.” 

“Hm,” Hyungwon hums. 

That should reassure him, but then Hyunwon realizes: why does it matter? Minhyuk isn’t his anymore.

+

The thing about Hyungwon and Minhyuk’s relationship at the time was that Hyungwon kind of knew Hoseok liked Minhyuk, but they still dated--even if it was in secret. 

Hoseok would smile at him, treat him like he’s the most important person in the world, and Minhyuk would ignore him. Well, not ignore him and be rude about it. It was more of a “be oblivious to how Hoseok felt even though the signs were right in front of his face” type of ignorance. Hyungwon, however, wasn’t oblivious to the signs. As blatant as they were, Hyungwon chose to ignore them too--still taking the chance despite knowing how Hoseok felt. 

Looking back, Hyungwon realizes that karma really came and bit him in the ass for being such a bad friend. 

+

The studio is considerably more packed than it usually is, and Hyungwon raises a brow. 

"Uh," Hyunwoo scratches his head, "Let me introduce myself. I'm Hyunwoo, I teach dance here. Who's here for dance lessons?" About a third of the room raises their hand. "Nice. You'll be hanging out with me for an hour. It's mainly orientation type things on the first day, getting to know each other and all that, filling out the paperwork." Hyunwoo nudges Jooheon to speak, and the red head looks dazed. 

"I'm Jooheon," the youngest says quickly, "I teach composition. Who’s here to learn how to write and compose songs?" Another third raises their hands. "Awesome! We have the connecting studio over here. Follow me."

Hyungwon is the last to speak. "I'm Hyungwon. I-uh-normally help these two, but right now I'm focused on vocal instruction with Kihyun, who's not here this week. We share the studio with Jooheon, so follow him while I get some things."

The other two-thirds of the potential students in the class follow behind Jooheon while Hyunwoo approaches Hyungwon with an incredulous look on his face. 

"What the fuck," Hyunwoo whispers, "When did we ever get this busy?" 

"I don't even know," Hyungwon replies, grabbing the paperwork from behind the main desk. He turns on his phone in that moment, opening up Instagram and sees Minhyuk's post on his timeline. 

He reads the caption, which says "wow guys omg, I just found this really nice studio. they teach you a lot of things!! anyone in the queens area should check it out, even if you don't want to pursue dance or music as a career, if you enjoy these things then they're some of the best on this side of town!" There, in the picture, was Minhyuk in front of the building. 

It makes Hyungwon smile.

+

Hyungwon sees his face in a tabloid magazine and is confused. He's getting groceries when he sees the magazine. In no way was he famous so, when he grabs the it, he's rendered speechless. 

The headline reads _Is This_ _Lee Minhyuk's Lover?_ in bold red letters and Hyungwon wants to scream at the magazine that no, he's not--not anymore. He wants to scream that they're just friendly and nothing more than that, but he doesn’t. Instead, he stares at his own face--the faces of his friends that day in the cafe--and wants to hide. That's what he looked like? When Minhyuk grabbed his hand at the cafe?

That was mortifying.  He has to remind himself that he should be mad at Minhyuk for shaking up his life, but that picture reminds him that he's not mad. 

That picture reminds him that he wanted Minhyuk back more than anything else he could ever ask for. 

+

The next night lands Minhyuk and Hyungwon another night together. 

He's getting to Minhyuk's apartment with a mask on his face and a hat on his head, with so many layers of clothes to disguise him.. checking over his shoulders to make sure paparazzi doesn't snap anymore pictures of him. 

This throws his life into more chaos. More than it had already. 

“Have you seen this?” Hyungwon asks, showing him the picture of the cover of that tabloid he’d seen at the supermarket. Minhyuk stares at it for a little bit, furrowing his brow. 

“No, I haven’t,” Minhyuk responds, “Those fucking tabloids. I hate them.” Minhyuk gestures Hyungwon over, patting the spot beside him on the bed. “People just don’t like to mind their fucking business, Won. Don’t get freaked out about it too much.” 

“Is this the result of having a famous friend?” Hyungwon laughs. He unlaces his boots and leaves them by the door. Shrugging off his jacket he makes his way beside Minhyuk, laying on the bed with his feet dangling off the edge. “I mean, they think I’m a model or something. It’s kind of flattering, if I’m honest with you.” 

“I mean, you could be,” Minhyuk says absentmindedly, “You’ve got the perfect looks for modeling.” 

“Yeah, but I like where I am right now,” Hyungwon smiles, “With Hyunwoo, Joo, and Ki at the studio teaching people about vocals and the fundamentals of dance.” Hyungwon looks at a distant spot on Minhyuk’s ceiling,. “It’s comfortable.”

“Hm.” Minhyuk rests his head on Hyungwon’s shoulder. It's comfortable. 

Hyungwon looks at Minhyuk with adoration, even if he should be mad at him, and leans his head on Minhyuk's. 

+

Later on in the night, they both decide that it’s a good idea to take some shots. 

The push from the liquid courage helps them get tangled up in each other’s limbs. Minhyuk sits right on Hyungwon’s lap, straddling Hyungwon’s lap, and looks right into Hyungwon’s eyes.

“Can I kiss you?” Minhyuk asks and Hyungwon nods. “Words please, I don’t want to overstep any boundaries.” 

“Yes, Minhyuk, you can,” Hyungwon replies, “Please, just do it.” He tries to sound like he was in control, but it fails when his voice wavers. Minhyuk is tracing lines up his arm with his free hand, 

“Okay,” and Minhyuk kisses him as hard as he can. 

What comes next is of no surprise to anyone. 

+

The aftermath was the same as that of the day after the party. Hyungwon wakes up at noon, gives Hyunwoo a call, and gets ready to leave. He scrambles to put his boxers and his sweats on, knowing for a fact that he should not be there. Minhyuk would normally see him out, but this time the older is still asleep and Hyungwon is having a hard time waking him up. 

Minhyuk looks so peaceful that it would be a crime to disturb his rest. Instead, Hyungwon dials Hyunwoo’s number and puts his phone up to his ear. 

“You know, a text would have been nice, bean pole. Changkyun and I were worried sick. You were at Minhyuk’s place,” Hyunwoo asks over the phone, “Right?”

“Right hyung,” Hyungwon replies quietly, looking at Minhyuk’s peaceful resting face. Hyungwon can’t help the smile that creeps on his face. Minhyuk stirs as Hyungwon continues to talk as quietly as he can. “Let Changkyun know I’m alright.” 

“Of course I will,” Hyunwoo laughs, “You’re coming in to teach today, yeah?” 

“Of course I am.” Hyungwon turns to Minhyuk, who’d just woken up with a blink. “I’ll see you in thirty minutes, hyung.” 

“See you in thirty,” Hyunwoo replies. 

  
  



End file.
